Distances Apart

"Hey, do you mind if I ask something?"

"Yeah," Ziri replied, annoyed.

It smoothed over messy sky blue hair, cradling parts of its thighs that Tab had bitten too hard on during sex. It didn't mind that as much compared to its hair. Technically it was still on duty for a couple hours. Ziri dreaded being called for anything due to its disheveled appearance.

"Guessing after the fun, now we have to have a very special episode moment right?" It lied down, then raised a hand up. "I know you like the back of my hand already and we've only fucked… I dunno, ten times?"

"I think it's more than ten at this point, Zir."

"Give or take. I know you'll be sad if I don't, so go on. Let's have one of your lil' heart to hearts that you love to do."

"Hey, nothing wrong with some aftercare, right?" Tab gave it a soft smile, taking its hand in theirs.

"Yeah yeah…"

"…I want to know why you three fight all the time."

It let go of Tab's hand.

They broached a topic that had been gnawing at the back of their mind for a while. It wasn't exactly Tab's fault; how could they not be interested in the Hamad family's situation after so much time spent with Ziri? Whenever they tried to talk to it about its relationships with Burr and Dawn, it would always dismiss the question or hand-wave it away.

Tonight, however, Tab couldn't accept that any longer. Not after Ziri arrived unannounced at their place, breaking down in tears.

It remained silent, biting the inside of its lip, squeezing a pillow tighter.

"Ziri. When you three are together for at least a few minutes, you act more dysfunctional than a meeting between Hangarin's leaders over an international incident."

"Why do you always do this? Can't we just spend a night together without some intervention or heavy conversation?"

"I'm worried… I mean can you blame me?"

Ziri anxiously looked away towards the soft moonlight gently enveloping Tab's room.

"…I guess not. Not after how I acted today."

"Like, what happened between you guys that made you all… how you are now?"

"Fuck, where do I even begin with that. You know me and Dawn at least aren't too badly off, all things considered. Though honestly she sorta…" It sighed, hand over its face. "Ugh, goddamnit. I'm gonna sound like a dick."

"Baby, it's okay."

"Okay. I love the lil' squirt and will die for her, but at the same time, I wanna shake her silly over how… clueless she can be. Sometimes it feels like she lets things happen to her and then me and the lapdog have to come to her rescue. Day in and day out. She was getting grilled by the rock fucker over something she didn't even do, and how did she respond? She went and begged Paulo to forgive her! I knew she didn't do it because I am the one who shattered that glass table and did a shitty job at hiding it, and she sat there crying trying to clean it up!"

"Is that what happened earlier?"

"No, this was a few months back… And of course when that happens, Burr comes along and starts acting all high and mighty over the both of us. Going on about how 'it is unbecoming of us' as servants to fuck up, always acting so superior when he doesn't care to know about anything outside of Paulo's office. It makes my blood boil—like he doesn't even remember what's been lost thanks to that piece of shit. He slobbers over their boots like a good lapdog and says thank you as they spit and laugh at us every single fucking day. Burr has no respect for themself and it makes me sick."

Tab sat up, stroking its hair, staying quiet. Wariness they harbored towards their cousin Rosa's husband (they'd rather eat nails than call him their cousin-in-law) paled in comparison to Burr being referred to as Paulo's lapdog.

"Sometimes I get so fed up being around both of 'em, I just… I wanna leave all this shit behind—start somewhere new. There's a whole world out there that I want to see and experience… I want to go to the parks in Nevadeen, see the sights of Despit, go to the ancient ruins in Esperanza… But I know Burr would be happy to die in this shithole. Fucker thinks he's doing us a world of a favor by playing lackey to a loser like Paulo. Dawn… Oh gods Dawn…"

Hot, burning tears overwhelmed Ziri. It shoved its face into a pillow to hide its shame at the idea of abandoning Dawn and Burr, breaking into a sob.

"Hey, it's okay babe… It's okay to feel like that. You can only look after others for so long until you—"

"Stop." Ziri coldly warned.

Immediately Tab shut up; they shouldn't dare push it lest they faced its wrath.

"Today I fucked up big time, Tab," it sniffled. "The three of us needed to clean out a large, unused part of the mansion. It wasn't hard, but there was a lot of ground to cover and, honestly? I didn't wanna do it. That place reminds me of the way things were before Paulo took over. Despite how different it looks now, I swear feel something there. And it tears me up inside knowing the place we once loved as kids got turned… into this."

"You didn't want to work there 'cause it reminded you of the library?" Tab asked.

"Partly… Every time I get paired up to work with Burr also, he does nothing but nitpick at every. Little. Thing. I do. If I clean something the wrong way, he complains. If I don't mop exactly the way he wants… Burr will make sure I know. I bet if I even breathe the wrong way around him, he'll give me shit for it somehow. It's so bad that I'd rather he get angry at me NOT being there than him constantly criticizing the way I do anything. Not even Paulo gives me as much shit as he does."

Ziri paused, staring out in the distance at nowhere in particular with a great look of discomfort.

"So, I skipped out. I figured Dawn and Burr could do it fine enough without me fucking shit up… Like I always do. I napped in a spare guest room, blissfully wasting the day away until I was awakened by running and shouting. Burr called for help. I ran over to see what happened and saw her lying there bloodied up. I…"

Ziri bawled heavily, crumpling into itself. Wordlessly Tab urged it to sit up, bringing it close to their body.

"I should've been there. Maybe if it were me instead I would have noticed something was up and warned her. She must've klutzed it up and some heavy wall decoration fell on her, cracking her head open…"

"Fuck… is she okay?"

Ziri tearfully shrugged, its tone uncertain. "I dunno. As soon as I saw I screamed and ran off, knowing if I stayed there, Burr would come back and bring about unholy wrath on me… I haven't seen either of them all day. I've been hiding away from everyone. That's the thing Tab: I DON'T look after others. I don't even look after my own siblings! If Papa and Mama were here right now they'd be so fucking disappointed in me! All I ever think about is what's good for me. Me, me, me. I'm such a horrible person I—"

Tab hugged Ziri tightly. They both spent a moment united as it let its stinging tears flow freely, sobbing into their shoulder.

While rubbing Ziri's back, Tab stared out the window, catching full sight of the moon, wondering how to help. Money was no object, but Paulo was not an easy person to double cross, especially not now, when they were hyping up their cruise, almost ensuring the Hamad siblings a long period of "gainful" employment… And even if Tab wanted to get Ziri away from the company, it wouldn't help Burr or Dawn's situations.

Tab decided the one thing they could do was hold Ziri, at this moment, under the moon and stars that, too, wept for its plight.

So that was what they did, holding on for dear life.

From her bed, Dawn hazily gazed at the moon, which shone somberly in the sky over Caveta. It was a cool autumn evening; the fireflies finished their dance to greet the night. Her head still throbbed, and she could only stay in bed until she fully recovered. She laid down and closed her eyes. There was a gentle tapping at her door, followed by a familiar, comforting voice calling out.

"Dawn, are you there? Sorry if I'm intruding, but I was busy with work earlier. I'm done now, so I, uh, decided to swing by to check up on you."

It was Misty.

Dusting off her scuffed dress shirt, unable to remove smudges on the sleeves, Dawn sighed. She hated her untidy appearance. However, she didn't want to turn away one of the few people who treated her with unconditional kindness. "Come in," she meekly replied, almost whispering.

Misty carefully opened the door. Upon seeing Dawn, she rushed over and gave her a hug. It seemed Misty had been working up until this very moment, her apron stained and Dawn caught the faintest smell of baking on her. Despite the warmth wrapping around her, Dawn couldn't help but feel ashamed of herself.

"What happened? I heard you got into an accident. I've been worried sick about you…"

Dawn simply shook her head—she turned it a little too fast, sending a sharp jolt up her spine. She winced.

"It's, um, actually not as bad as it looks," she lied. "I was cleaning an old statue in that unused part of the mansion. Mx. Perfeito-Alto wanted to make sure it was renovated for an event they'll be hosting… I must've touched it the wrong way or something, and… it collapsed on top of me. I think it was Burr who ran out and got help for me? I heard footsteps and I think a lot of people carried me… Next thing I know I wake up in here."

"Yeah, I talked to Burr… At least as much as I could with someone like him," Misty huffed. "He went on about trying to get his hands on Ziri. I have a feeling Burr was way more concerned about giving xem a piece of his mind more than he was looking out for you… I dunno why Chef Kalama tries to help him out so much when he doesn't appreciate anything…"

Dawn fidgeted with the edges of her comforter.

Seeing this, Misty caught herself, cheeks hot with embarrassment. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rant."

"It's okay. I know Burr can be kind of hard to handle… and even if Ziri doesn't get along with them, they care about us all in their own way."

"Have you seen Ziri? I don't think anyone has seen xem since… your accident. Xe probably knows Burr's trying to pin all the blame on xem."

"No. I hope it isn't taking what happened too harshly to heart…"

"Anahera told me Burr stormed into Paulo's office to, like, tattle on Ziri for its ‘gross dereliction of duty' as he put it. I think he wanted Ziri's reputation to tank in their eyes… But all Paulo cared about was whether or not the hall was clean. When he tried to explain what happened, Paulo yelled at him. They demanded the cleaning be finished by tomorrow or else. Anahera said he's been moping in his room since."

"It's all my fault…"

"Stop that…"

Dawn shrank from Misty's light reprimand. She caught on, so she moved close to Dawn, giving a light, reassuring pat on the back.

"How could you have known that statue was gonna fall on you? If anything, it's all Paulo's fault for building a huge mansion and then doing nothing with most of it. If they weren't so rich, this would be a massive lawsuit in your favor that'd set you guys up for life!"

"I've been a burden to Burr and Ziri since I was little," Dawn muttered with a soft, hollow laugh. "The only reason we're even working for Paulo is because I got sick as a kid."

"Right, I heard about that…"

Misty's coworkers asked themselves why a powerful CEO would want to take in this specific family, let alone make them their main servants. Less than charitable theories thrown around by other, junior servants—Paulo finding them useful, the siblings offering special services—made her skin crawl. To think that many people working for Paulo harbored bitter, petty feelings towards a girl as sweet as a honey bun for what, being their superior?

"Burr always tried their best to make sure me and Ziri were safe, putting their own needs and wants aside. I don't think I've ever heard them talk about anything they like."

"Really? No music? Sports?"

Dawn shook her head. "Mm-mm. Nothing. I'm not even sure they let themself have hobbies. Before we started working for Paulo, when we were kids, I remember my auncle telling me Burr loved learning about new places. The other day I saw them put away a travel brochure from a stand when we were getting cleaning supplies, looking so guilty, like they were committing a grave sin. Burr's done nothing but look out for me. They've got so much on their plate, and can't… can't take a moment to read something they'd enjoy."

Her hands trembled and vision blurred.

"That's why we're here. Because of me." Dawn's speech quickly grew despaired as she went on, unable to hold back tears, voice cracking. "Ziri has so much it wants to do, but can't, 'cause it's stuck here. It avoids work, 'cause it can't find the motivation, 'cause it's stuck here in this mansion. And yet, it loves and cares for a worthless, pathetic girl like me. I'm even a burden to Paulo—I can't do my job without messing something up or relying on Burr and Ziri to rescue me. I don't know why Master Perfeito-Alto took us in—they have no reason to! I mean, they could've gotten a professional servant and left us to die!"

"But they didn't. You're here now—"

"All I do for this—this company is cause more trouble, more headaches. Even you! You rushed over from your busy schedule just to see me!"

"Bu—Bonni—Dawn," Misty stammered, catching herself, "that's not—"

"I'm afraid one day, you're all going to hate me, grow tired of me, and give up on me…"

"No, Dawn, please—"

"At—but at the same time, I wish you DID! I wish that you'd hate me, to stop pitying worthless garbage like me! I wish I could change myself for the better, but all I can think about is how I bring everyone down, how I ruined Burr and Ziri's lives, how I can't do ANYTHING right! If Auncle—and—and Mama and Papa could see me, they'd be so disappointed at how I turned out! Everyone would be better off if that statue struck me DEAD!"

Misty held Dawn in her arms, stroking dark hair, lightly squeezing her body, eyes watering.

"Listen to me: I will NEVER hate you Dawn!" Emotions overrode logic and she impulsively nuzzled Dawn, taking care to not aggravate her injury. "Neither will your siblings. We all love you! Kalama and I talk about you guys and what we could do for you…"

She cupped Dawn's cheek, slowly wiping tears away from her eyes. Dawn's sobs softened to shaky hiccups thanks to Misty's comforting touch.

"I know it looks bad right now, but in the future, things will get so much better—you won't even believe you said any of this when you're finally there! Just trust me. You guys are gonna make it and be free."

"You really think so?" Dawn sniffled.

"I know so."

Misty looked out at the moon. It shone gently over the both of them. Fierce determination in her eyes, she swore that things would get better. It had to.

Burr briefly paused their carving. They held a small wooden spoon in their hands, still unfinished. This impromptu project wasn't going well, but they needed a distraction.

They gazed at the moon high in the sky. Not a cloud in sight. Burr breathed a small sigh of relief at that small grace of the gods, because things would only get busier from here on out. Busier busier busier…

You're not important. You're nobody!

The words Paulo shouted at them echoed in the halls of their mind, over and over. Burr dove back into focusing entirely on the spoon, awkwardly carving out a block of wood.

I know that, Burr thought, frowning.

They glanced at the clock. Just past midnight. Burr decided they'd keep at it for at least another hour before turning in. They wiped a bit of sweat off their head. Images of Dawn's motionless, bloodied body hit them and they shuddered.

Burr replayed the events that occurred today.

Paulo delegated him and his sisters the job of cleaning up an unmaintained part of the mansion ahead of historic news: the completion of their cruise liner, the Paragon, a brand new direction for Paulo Perfeito-Alto Industries. They planned to invite all dignitaries and press from around Hangarin, flaunting a showing so bold it would make the gods jealous.

Up until now, their massive abode was severely understaffed. Paulo constantly moving from one project to another didn't help. So, the Hamad siblings were tasked with mansion upkeep, a now herculean endeavor culminated from months of neglect. It donned an immaculate exterior; but on the inside things grew messy. Dust caked many of their belongings sitting in unused rooms.

Ultimately, the reason didn't matter; Paulo asked them to do something, so all three siblings would have to do it. Burr and Dawn made their way towards the old hall while Ziri, as usual, quietly excused herself and up to who knew what. When they arrived at the hall, something about the way the light shone through dusty windows and onto the stairs brought Burr back to the days spent at the Orchid Hill Heritage Library with Auncle Camellia, and their parents.

Their parents… Mother… Father…

Mama… Papa…

Burr took back the wooden spoon, continuing with a renewed fervor remembering Papa. Fond memories of Tal cooking, forming a smooth rhythm gently chopping and ingredients, allowing aromas and warmth to fill the small kitchen, attracting anyone interested in a comforting meal.

They held the spoon in their hands. Before they knew it, it was finished, fully formed, fit for use in any kitchen. Perhaps, this was Burr's best work yet…

Time moved so quickly, away from those days. Mama, Papa, and Auncle were gone now. Ethan Boulenger took office as Caveta's Chancellor, and the library was demolished, in its place this mansion. Burr's eyes misted over, to which they shook themself out of their reveries and continued cleaning—that was, until the accident.

Burr turned around to ask Dawn something—and stopped. The statue of Sagrado she had been dusting fell.

Their legs weren't fast enough.

Dawn squeaked. It crashed down on her with full force.

They rushed over and pushed it away, desperately begging her to wake up. Burr ran out of the hall, screaming for help, hoping someone—anyone—would listen. Eventually, other servants in the east side of the mansion came to help. Dawn's wounds received treatment, and she was promptly taken to her room to recover.

Burr stormed into Paulo's chambers, demanding they punish Ziri for shirking her duties, then—

Burr opened a small book on their desk, leafing through page after page of statements and payments made to them from Paulo. It was a respectable sum that would allow Burr to freely travel anywhere, and even try to eke out a living thanks to their innate craftsmanship talent. It was a tantalizing prospect, but it wasn't enough. They needed more pesos, enough for them and their sisters to live comfortably and securely. Burr was paid the lion's share of salary compared to Ziri, who, despite being Paulo's favorite, only received a mere pittance, and Dawn worked without pay as part of a stipulation in their contract for helping cure her illness at an early age.

Sure, scoffed Burr. I'm not important. Never was. Never will be.

They didn't care about standing out or telling others their interests. In fact, they preferred to hide in the shadows while coworkers took credit for their work. They'd take the abuse Paulo hurled at them with a smile, as long as they got paid.

Since that fateful day, Burr swore to put aside their wants and needs to take care of Ziri and Dawn. They didn't want their sisters to worry about anything anymore. Even if Ziri hated them, it'd be fine. It'd be alright. Of course xe was right: Paulo was a horrific person, Burr's not a fool. But Mx. Perfeito-Alto was their employer, and was the key towards that future they desperately wanted for their family.

So until then, they would bear it all, knowing the day Paulo would have no choice but to acknowledge Burr's service and give them the payment they needed to make their dreams a reality. To Burr, it was simply a matter of time.

Burr peered down at the wooden spoon holding memories of Tal. They gently placed it inside a shelf, lingering, knowing their parents watched over them all despite everything. After adjusting the utensil a little to the left, making sure it wasn't teetering to one side, Burr was satisfied. Longingly they stared at it, wishing to get out of Paulo Perfeito-Alto Industries, to achieve that lofty dream of peace, like back then. Their family would be together, laughing once more, like how things used to be. The wooden kitchen spoon might even see some use by someone else.

Until then, Burr couldn't rest, couldn't falter in their duties. As the eldest, most responsible Hamad sibling, they would make sure Ziri stayed in line, even if it resented them for it. They couldn't allow Dawn to be seriously injured ever again. First thing tomorrow, they'd clean that area in the hall—by themself if need be. Not a problem. They could work their body to exhaustion, until it fell apart, as long as the job gets done. It'll all be worth it.

Burr looked up at the forlorn moon. It was a moon like any other. For a night like any other. It cast its light upon them back then as it did tonight, and will into their futures.

Loneliness crept up on Burr. Thus, they turned in to get ready for the next day, quietly saying goodnight, perhaps, to the moon.